The Compass

A Daily Personal Reflection & Small Group Discussion Guide

by John Hay, Jr.
Senior Pastor, West Morris Street Free Methodist Church

Sixth in the Series: "Forgiven and Forgiving"

How to Forgive Hard-to-Forgive People

1 Samuel 26:5-12, 21-25 Romans 12:17-21

TRACKING THE WORD TODAY
Some people and situations are harder to forgive than others, but the same grace that forgives us applies

1. The Bible recognizes that some people are harder to forgive than most.

1 Samuel 26:5-12, 21-25

Five hard-to-forgive challenges

A. Invisible people
B. People who do not care whether or not they are forgiven
C. People who seem too evil to forgive
D. Ourselves, sometimes
E. God "who let me down"

2. Addressing hard-to-forgive people begins with embracing basic principles of forgiving grace.

Romans 12:17-21

A. Forgiveness is the loving challenge of Jesus for the healing of broken relationships.

B. Forgiveness is the only way out of the deadly cycle of resentment, retaliation, and hatred.

C. Forgiveness, like healing, is a process that takes place in a timely and deeply personal way.

D. Forgiveness is made possible and assisted by Jesus, our source of forgiveness.

3. How to make progress in the process of a healing forgiveness.

Romans 12:17-21

Six steps offered by Walter Wangerin:

A. Be realistic with yourself
B. Remember your own forgiveness
C. Sacrifice your rights in prayer
D. Tell the offender their offense…and your forgiveness
E. Follow your words with actions

GROWTH & ACTION STEPS
Explore and respond to the following statements in personal journaling and/or small group discussion

1. If you have identified a real "unforgivable" hurt, do you believe that Jesus is able to bring healing forgiveness for it? If so, are you now willing to commit to a process of forgiveness? What first steps do you need to make? What help do you need to take them?

2. Grace is very much a part of the process of forgiveness. It changes forgiving others from a work of self-effort and self-righteousness into a God-glorifying gift. How has grace empowered you to forgive? Will you now trust God for grace to forgive what remains?

3. Journal or discuss: How do you see forgiveness as both a commitment and a grace working in a particular relationship or situation you have grappled with?

MARKINGS & WAYPOINTS

STAGES OF FORGIVENESS Lewis B. Smedes identifies three progressive stages of forgiveness:
1. We hurt: we recognize a hurt that can't be forgotten.
2. We hate: we recognize that, try as we may, we cannot wish our enemy well; we desire retaliation.
3. We heal: we are given grace, eyes of love, healing of our memory.
4. We come together: if at all possible and within boundaries, we reconcile and move forward redemptively.

MEMORY AND FORGIVENESS "Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future." - Lewis B. Smedes

EVIL AND FORGIVENESS "Forgiving does not reduce evil. Forgiving a great evil does not shave a millimeter fro its monstrous size. There is no real forgiveness unless there is first relentless exposure and honest judgment. When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do not tolerate it, we do not smother it. We look evil full in the face, call it what it is, let its horror shock and stun and enrage us; only then do we forgive it." - Lewis B. Smedes

EXPLORE FURTHER The following books may be helpful if you desire to dig deeper in exploring forgiveness

The New Freedom of Forgiveness by David Augsburger

As For Me and My House by Walter Wangerin

Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve by Lewis B. Smedes

The Gift of Forgiveness by Charles Stanley

What's So Amazing About Grace? by Philip Yancey

RESPONSES & OPPORTUNITIES TO ENGAGE
Want to explore The Compass with others? Have questions?

If you'd like to connect with others who are working weekly with The Compass, e-mail me or call the church office (317.632.8311)

If you have questions about Scriptures or some of the questions, or just want to share what your are discovering through The Compass, you are welcome to e-mail me.

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